Tuesday, August 18, 2009

TMI Tuesday #200

Okay, so I'm not 100% sure what this means:
"For the purpose of this question monogamous is defined as no sexual partners that your significant other does (did) not know about."
I'm going to take it to mean that sex with others is alright as long as it's with my significant others consent.

1. What is the longest you have been in a monogamous sexual relationship? [For the purpose of this question monogamous is defined as no sexual partners that your significant other does (did) not know about.]
  • Over 16 years. I hooked up with my wife in 1993, got married in 1995, and have been in an open marriage since 1999. Before that, 6 months was my longest stretch in a (mostly) monogamous relationship.
2. If your current relationship would fail, do you have a back-up for physical or emotional comfort?
  • In a way. One of the toughest things for me involving my open marriage play is that most of my lovers fall deeply in love with me. This results in a whole lot of heartache when I have to break it off. So, I basically have a handful of still-available women who I could easily hop right straight into a full-blown relationship with.
3. Can you be "just friends" with someone when there is an unrequited sexual attraction?
  • Yes, but it's painful. I've done it in the past, and every time I'd see them pass me over for some anonymous other lover, my heart would quietly break. I'm very good at keeping my true feelings hidden, though, so none ever really know how I feel about them. This helps me maintain a "just friends" relationship. I have admitted to my unrequited love to some of these friends, and on no account of my own, they immediately broke off our friendship because they couldn't handle knowing that I crush on them.
4. In an assumed monogamous sexual relationship have you ever cheated, been cheated upon or been a knowing third party to the infidelity? [For the purpose of this question monogamous is defined as no sexual partners that a significant other does (did) not know about.]
  • It is kind of difficult to actually cheat in an open marriage, because both my wife and I eventually spill the beans and forgive each other without a second thought.
  • I have cheated on my wife. Both of the people I cheated on her with were women that she forbid me to fuck because of jealousy. Instead of refusing to give them up, I just never spoke about them again and continued to fuck them on the sly. Years later, when I admitted my indiscretions to my wife, she shrugged it off like it didn't matter at all.
  • My wife has had sex with other men without telling me. She has even fucked men that I forbid her to fuck. She usually fessed up much quicker than I did, admitting that she just couldn't resist them because they were so good and "it just happened." Actually, these moments give me a hard on to think about, and I even had a time when I asked my wife to cheat on me, which she did (but does that really count?).
  • Years ago, a lover found it necessary to make me think that she was exclusive to me. I gave her no reason to think I wanted that, but I came to learn that she was fucking all sorts of dudes "behind my back." When I confronted her about it, she apologized, begging me to forgive her. I told her that I did feel betrayed, but not because she fucked another. It was because she didn't tell me so that I could be proud of what a slut she was.
  • In my late teens, I had a girl that I desperately asked to commit to me but who wouldn't. For most intents and purposes, we had a pretty clear case of bf/gf status, though. I finally broke things off after I started to receive countless unconfirmed reports that she had been sucking dudes off at the parties she'd attend without me. The final rub came when I heard she had started to have sex with a particularly toady dude who used to buy her expensive jewelry all the time. She denied it all, but didn't seem to mind when I called it off.
  • In regards to being a knowing third party, this has happened more times than I can count, as my wife will fuck attached men without a lick of guilt. Once, I even distracted a wife while her husband fucked my wife in the bathroom during a dinner we had at their house. I still don't know how the wife could have been so blind.
5. Historically, what has caused the most arguments in your relationships?
  • In terms of my wife, money issues and perceived disregard of my feelings.
  • In terms of girlfriends, I never really had any arguments that didn't pretty much end our relationships. The one recurring argument in all these cases was in me not standing up to my wife's demands that I stop seeing them because of her jealousy. Basically, I never truly fought to keep a single girlfriend.
Bonus (as in optional):What do you want from a partner in a long term relationship?
  • Acceptance and understanding. I don't want to tip-toe through my relationships fearing my significant other. If I feel the need to hide my true self, then I know that I've merely hooked up with my mother not a lover. I don't understand how so many husbands live their lives fearing their wives finding out that they like porn, or hanging out with the guys, or not spending their entire weekend doing the chores wifey has scheduled for him. If you can't be yourself with your significant other, then your relationship is destined for perpetual misery or epic failure. Be your own person!
TMI Tuesday Personal Count #15

No comments:

Post a Comment