Wednesday, November 11, 2009

Wednesday Whine: Why I Stopped Commenting

I read a whole ton of sex blogs on a daily basis. I used to comment on as many of them as possible, often forcing myself to find something relevant to add to the dialog.

At first, I would make sure to include one of my blog's URLs. They weren't left for the purpose of driving traffic to those blogs. I don't want to be like other bloggers in that regard. I just wanted the blogger to know more about me.

After awhile, I stopped including any of my blog URLs. It stung a bit not receive any comments back.

You see, these weren't cases of bloggers just not responding to comments. They would respond to everyone else except for me. That hurt the most. It felt like online rejection, like walking into a bar and trying to join in a conversation only to have everyone turn their backs on you in unison.

I started to consider that maybe the bloggers considered me a spammer, so I stopped leaving my URLs. I figured that should help me be taken a bit more seriously, and less like I was an irritant.

Still, no luck.

A couple of bloggers have been amazing in not only recognizing my comments, but also in engaging me in extended conversation. Not so ironically, these bloggers are the ones who tend to steer toward the extreme. The bloggers who are most likely to turn their backs on my comments are typically women who feel naughty because they masturbate or think about "naughty" sex and write about it online.

I can only speculate that they ignore me because I'm too blunt, too straight forward and too kinky as to border on creepy. It makes me feel like I'm back in the club scene getting rejected by women because I'm too intense, too extreme, too damned intimidating.

As a defense mechanism, I backed off and stopped contributing in the form of comments. I've noticed that more than a few of the blogs where I stopped commenting have become rather flat in terms of content.

I probably shouldn't have stopped commenting on all the blogs. I know at least two bloggers who loved the way I'd rattle the cage or provide a previously unconsidered view with my comments.

The sex blog scene is currently dominated by a lot of little girls who pretend to be kinky. Or if they are kinky, it is for the sake of garnering attention to themselves. 8 out of 12 of the bloggers featured in the NY Sex Blogger calendar fall into that category, which is actually a post for another time.

I mean, who says that New York and women hold the market on sex blogging? Oh yeah, when I left that last statement as a comment on someone's blog who was promoting the calendar, I was banned from every commenting on that blog again. I guess comments aren't meant to extend dialog after all.

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