Wednesday, September 1, 2010

Mastery Won't Come without Practice

"You could have Rick teach you how to make me squirt. He's really got it down."

My wife was feeling especially kinky this day. She sat on the porch. Her boyfriend sat on the upper lawn deck in a Adirondack smoking and smiled with a mixture of pride and awkwardness at her statement.

I felt a sudden rise, the kind you used to see in the cartoons of yesteryear. You know, the ones where someone gets angry and their body flushes beet red, starting at the feet and ending at the top of the skull, which then blows off a ton of forced steam through the nostrils and ears.

"I won't ever master the technique if I never get the chance to practice it, and it requires more than five minutes." I growled.

Her initial response was typical for her: "Well I'm a real bitch, aren't I?" The piss and vinegar posturing consumed her completely, but I shrugged it off as best I could. From his seat on high, Rick looked extra-uncomfortable.

The fact is, I almost never get to do much more with my wife than to roll on my side first thing on some fortunate mornings and penetrate her for about 5-10 minutes in our usual position.

Foreplay goes like this:
  1. I beg for sex. (This is changing slowly over time, though, and sometimes she initiates.)
  2. She says "it won't fit," thereby signaling I'm cleared for entry
  3. We both slather a smattering of spit on our bits near the point of entry.
Begging aside, our foreplay lasts all of 10 seconds.

Yes, yes. I realize a great many fellows would love it if their ladies just went for it and didn't insist on extended foreplay. But a little variety goes a long way. I used to be able to munch a mean box, and the last few ladies I played with proved I haven't completely lost it.

When it comes to making a woman squirt or just generally ejaculate, I'm actually really talented. I use the classic come-hither technique, the result is always a puddle of lady juice.

The technique that gets my wife to squirt is little known and involves zero penetration. I've been shown the technique via her, videos and even given the chance to try it on her. But here's the rub: I only practiced it for five minutes before it all ended with some (delightful) penetration. She did squirt, just not very powerfully. That was a year ago.

I often try to get my wife to engage in more playful, lengthier sessions. I guess my ample dick size and guaranteed satisfaction in our usual position is mostly to blame for the lack of other-play.

But I digress from the story at hand...
As I walk off, Rick and Renee start saying something to each other about my comments. I couldn't hear what they said because my mind was clouded with frustration. I do not like people teaching me something I've already learned but haven't had the chance to practice. If I want advice, I ask for it. When it comes to Rick, I especially dislike unsolicited instruction.

I often resent Rick because he gets to do so many things with my wife that she won't let me do with her (anal, cunnilingus, felatio, finger banging). Their playtime also usually lasts for a good couple hours, and many are the times they engage in all-nighters. I can't even remember the last time I had an all-nighter with my wife that wasn't fueled by some potent E.

So there I was, pissed as fuck at my wife's suggestion, fuming at her response. I just kept thinking, "Yeah, you are a bitch. You suck. And how many fucking times have I told you that I'm sensitive to being 'taught' sexual techniques by others, especially by Rick. You know how I feel about him 'teaching' me. I don't need to be taught, god damn it! I need to be allowed to practice, to be granted access to your goods to play."

I didn't hear what led up to it, but my wife's piss and vinegar evaporated and she told Rick, "He's right, though."

Suddenly, my heart warmed and all my anger dissipated. My wife reversing tack is not a common occurrence.

In the end, I never did get a chance to practice the technique, or any other technique for that matter. But at least she admitted to her resistance. In the past, she's always blamed me, saying I don't assert myself enough. Anytime she spews that line on me, I remind her of how she responds to any of my "assertions." She almost always clamps tight and tells me "no."

While this situation started out as a source of fuming, it ended sweetly. Sure, I didn't get to touch her pussy in the end, but at least my wife accepted that she was squarely responsible for my lack of practice. That is a huge admission for her and it endears her to me all the more.

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