When it comes to porn, I want to believe that the starlet does what she does because she likes it. It’s tough watching the obviously phony mainstream girls, but every once in awhile someone exceptional comes around. I thought Belladonna deserved a spot at the top, but she let me down.
Several years ago, Belladonna came to my attention via a search for rough sex. I wanted some hardcore, throwdown fucking. Some of the girls were really into it. Some could take a fair amount of abuse. But there was this one gap-toothed, dark haired, brown-eyed fuck freak. I mean, these guys were trying to brutalize her and she put them to shame. The way she fucked guys with her throat blew my mind. With Belladonna, any manner of intense penetration and cum play was fair game. Here was a girl who definitely did porn because she loved what she did.
Then a short time after discovering Belladonna, devastation struck via some forgotten daytime talk show. Belladonna had quit porn, found god, and begun her crusade against all those evil pornographers. She decried the legitimacy of the claim that any woman in porn ever enjoys what she does. (I think Annette Schwarz and Sasha Grey would disagree.) The line I remember most vividly was: “Do you really think anyone enjoys having penises forced in all her holes?” She was confronted with the question regarding the authenticity of her performances, and she responded with something along the lines of, “Well, pornstars are actors. And all the drugs they kept pushing my way sure helped.” This was suddenly sounding all too reminiscent of the Linda Lovelace story.
To say I was crushed would be only part of the story. I felt betrayed for having believed she really loved what she did, sullied for having raped her in my mind on repeated occasions, and exasperated over another pornstar-gone-straight out there reinforcing the stereotypes.
The story continues, as just like Linda Lovelace, Belladonna returned to the world a few short years later. Fans were stoked. No one said peep about her absence except to cheer her return to the canon. What’s more, she returned in an even stronger role, now producing and directing her own films. She seems to really dig the work she’s doing now, but how long will that continue? I hope indefinitely, because she is one of the greats. Just don’t ask me to get too attached. My heart can’t handle another break-up.