Tuesday, June 5, 2012

TMI Tuesday: 5 June 2012 - Think Kink!

From the kinky mind of Cara Sutra, I give you this week’s TMI Tuesday questions….

1. What’s the kinkiest thing about you, either mentally or physically?
Based on American standards, which are far more prudish than the media depicts, the kinkiest thing about me mentally is that I regularly fantasize about my wife having a minimum of five boyfriends who she fucks as often as possible.

The most physically kinky thing about me, with only me involved, is the high number of times I spend pounding my own ass with big dildos.

The most physically and mentally kinky thing about me, with my only current sexual partner (my wife) involved, is the way I choke her out as I verbally degrade her.
2. Do you have any fetishes? If so, what are they?
I have several fetishes that are mostly based on physical features. These include BBW and chubby women, super-passable MtF transsexuals, hot\slut\cheating wives, gaping assholes, huge dicks, black hair, brown eyes, Mideastern women, vintage pin-up styles, slut boots, hoop earrings, widow’s peaks, pigeon footedness, crossed eyes, to name a few.

Sexual fetishes include gangbangs, trains, anything involving cum fluids of both sexes, bizarre and extreme penetrations, Daddy\Li’l Girl roleplay, sloppy seconds, spanking, bondage,choking, and degradation, to name a few more. For more of idea of my fetishes, you can always follow me on Tumblr.
3. Have you ever been spanked? Did you enjoy it? Tell us more…
As an adult? Yes, I have been spanked but only briefly and only playfully or to prove that it’s not that big of a deal. Most spankings have consisted of three to five quick swats to the ass while in missionary position.
4. Have you been tied up, or tied someone else up? Did you use rope or  restraints?
I was tied up three times. Once briefly by a female lover, and twice by gay men who used restraints to bind my wrists to my ankles. It’s not an activity that I pursue to be done on myself. Conversely, I have tied a few people up in the past and have primarily used rope to do so. I recently bought leather restraints to use with my wife, but she’s gone into her periodic “meh” mood so I haven’t had much of a chance to use them on her.
5. Would you classify yourself as more dominant, submissive, a switch or entirely vanilla?
I’m a switch who currently trends more toward dominant. In the past, I’ve been switch but tended toward submissive, especially when I was in full-blown cuckold mode.
6. What’s the kinkiest thing you’ve ever done?
Man, tough question. I’ve done several, several things that could qualify. To honor my bisexual side, I will name the first ones that come to mind for each the female and male sexes.

For kinkiest female moment, it was the first and only time I hooked up with a certain big, dark-haired 19 year old woman I met online. We met at a hotel in her town, where I tied her down, fucked her bareback with her insistence because she said she couldn’t stand condoms, slapped her around, choked her out and filled her to overflowing with my seed knowing full well she used no form of birth control and actually wanted to get pregnant with my baby.

For kinkiest male moment, it was a trucker I met online. He claimed to have a thing for crossdressing, both for himself and his sexual partners. My wife bought me some lingerie and hose for the event. I met him at his motel three towns over. He was fat, hairy and old. These were points of excitement for me. We dressed up, made out a little, then he lay back on the bed as I proceeded to suck his cock while he watched television. He only achieved a half-stiffy the whole time, seemingly disinterested in all the attention I gave his cock, and I even rode it limpid. After a couple hours, noting that he wasn’t likely to give the encounter his full attention and unsuccessful in my attempts to get his cum in either my belly or asshole, I gave up, left and ignored his future requests for a repeat.
7. Have you been to a BDSM club? What was it like? If not, would you ever go to one?
No, I have never been to a BDSM club. I’ve been outside a sex club with expansive BDSM sections but didn’t go inside because it was Wednesday. The website neglected to inform prospective visitors (us) that Wednesday’s were gay men only nights. I was invited in but told that “she” (my wife) would have to wait outside. That’s the closest I’ve been to going to a BDSM club, but I’d love to go to one in the future.
8. What’s your favorite fetish item or implement?
Given my fetish for fucking myself in the ass, my Fat Boy dildo when strapped into the fuck board I devised is my current favorite fetish item. Just writing about it is making my sphincter flex. (7 1/2 inches insertable length, 2 1/4 inches across the width, and 7 inches in circumference, with an exaggerated curve that bangs against my prostate perfectly)

9. Favorite kinky clothing material?
This may seem entirely vanilla, but my favorite fetish clothing material is a pair of big hoop earrings, followed closely by a lack of panties while wearing a skirt or dress.
10. Thigh boots – love ‘em or hate ‘em?
Freakin’ love ‘em. I don’t call them thigh boots; instead, I refer to them as slut boots because they seem to scream the message, “I love to fuck!”
11. If you’re kinky, who knows about it? Do you tell people or is it a closely guarded secret?
Mostly, my kinky side is a closely guarded secret. Of those people still relatively active in my life that aren’t involved in the world of kink themselves, there are only three people who are privy to the knowledge of my kink: my best friend and his wife, and one coworker who slipped her nose into my business.

However, my OkCupid profile makes my kink not such a closely guarded secret to anyone who might also have membership on the site. I’ve actually seen that some of my coworkers or their friends have checked out my profile, so I’m sure several others know. Ultimately, I keep my kink quiet (not so much hidden) to make my kids’ lives easier. Once they turn eighteen, I’ll let my guard down.
12. What are your personal limits?
Things I won’t permit to be done to me include shit, kids, cigarettes, and sharp objects like needles and knives (if they’re actually breaking skin, that is). I’ve also turned down any form of sexual play with people with gross mouths or who reek of stale cigarettes and booze.
13. What’s your safeword and why did you choose that one?
I don’t have a safeword because I just don’t get into the sort of play enough that would require one. My wife’s tolerance level, although rising, is too low to really require one. I know when it’s too much for her.
14. Which fetishes do you just really not get?
Balloon popping, inflating bellies, adult babies with no sexual play. Not that there’s anything wrong with those, I just don’t get what’s so fascinating about them in terms of kink.
Bonus:  Complete this sentence:  To me, Fetish, Kink and BDSM means…
And this is why it’s best to read all the questions before answering them. I felt compelled to share my opinions on what kinky means before I answered the first question. I’ll provide three definitions, without visiting Webster’s.

Fetish - (sexually speaking) Any recurring aspect of play or a partner’s appearance that arouses sexual stimulation within an individual and that borders on obsession.

Examples include style of dress (slut boots, pigtails, thongs, furry full-bodied costumes), body types (BBW, thin, chubby, athletic, short, tall, dark, light), and sexual components (being bound, public locations, non-monogamous, virgin, sloppy seconds).

Kink - Any sexual or sexually tinted component that a person deems kinky because it is out of their perception of what society deems normal.

Perhaps the most difficult to define is “kink.” It’s like the old adage, “One man’s garbage is another man’s treasure.” Kink is so damned subjective, so slippery. Kink tells us more about a person’s perception of societal norms and how much they allow those norms to dictate their behavior than they do in actually defining the term.

For example, over a decade ago while at a family reunion of sorts, my mom asked everyone at the table to share the kinkiest thing they ever did. Then she turned to my wife and I, having recently learned that we were in an open marriage, and said, “And having sex with other people doesn’t count. That’s not kinky; it’s just gross.”

BDSM - Bondage. Discipline. Sadist. Masochist. (and\or... Submissive. Master.) That’s the simpIe and seemingly obvious definition of BDSM. I would comment more, but this is one of those forms of sexual expression that have a highly polarizing set of ideas.

I’ve tried to engage in conversation with those involved in BDSM, both the masters and the submissives. There are some underlying philosophies that resonate through the culture, but most are hardline about their beliefs as to what activities and mindplay in BDSM play should include. I won’t even attempt to define those parameters here. Even within my own play, I’ve had disagreements that I refused to engage because they’re too subjective.

My wife flirts with BDSM play with others from time to time, play that has involved various spanking utensils. (Other play has involved choking and bondage, but those have never been  a point of dispute for us.) Outside of this, she’s had no wider experience in the lifestyle. I, on the other hand, have observed BDSM expressions that range greatly from tickling a tied-down person to complete beatdowns.

During our sexual renaissance, I assumed a Master (actually, a Daddy) role over my wife. As a result, she got a few spankings. By the third time, she got downright sassy and bossy about how I delivered those spankings. She touted her knowledge, informing me that I was spanking her incorrectly. She informed me that “I was taught by a seasoned Dom that you don’t spank consistently in the same spot. You have to move it around.” By now, I have seen so many images and videos of seasoned Dom\mes in action, and let me tell you, most of them spank in the same spot until the fruits of the labor are evident. Then they move on.

So although it would appear on the surface that BDSM is simply Bondage-Discipline\Sadist-Masochist\Submissive-Master, the expressions of this form of power play can greatly vary.

1 comment:

  1. Good answer to #9. I struggled with my own answer - moreso than Jill - as I don't always consider fabrics particularly kinky; the obvious ones like leather, latex, and PVC don't do much for me.

    And your bonus answer was perfectly in-depth.