Thanks to an anonymous TMI Tuesday fan and lurker for this Thanks to an anonymous TMI Tuesday fan and lurker for this week's TMI Tuesdayquestions. Complete each sentence with an anecdote of sexual adventure or misadventure:
1. The first time I...
...tried to jerk off, I thought about this song my uncle used to sing to the tune of Old McDonald. There were two ways that Old McDonald went about "beating his meat." One involved a monkey wrench. I could get ahold of a monkey wrench, but getting it past my siblings undetected was a near impossibility. So, I went for the other way good Old McDonald beat his meat, on the toilet seat. I stood and smacked my penis into the toilet seat. All it resulted in was pain, so I stopped.
2. The last time I . . .
... hooked up with a guy for a suck and blow, he reeked of traditional Old Spice. He was saturated in it. I went into the BJ expecting a tangy finish in the back of my mouth. I came out with a couple day supply of eau de ole man up my sniffer.
3. The only time I . . .
... denied my wife sex other than in a playful way was five months into our relationship. I had just finished cumming for the fifth time in just over 2 hours. Within 30 seconds, she was going for another round. I stopped her from climbing back on top of me and stood up. I asked for a break. I had in mind about 10 minutes, just long enough to drink something and maybe smoke a bowl. She took it to mean something deeper I guess. Because after that, with exception for occasional intoxicant induced marathon sex sessions, my wife hasn't since shown that level of enthusiasm for repeats with me.
4. My best . . .
...gay sex was when I was in the middle of fucking my redheaded girlfriend. She loved gay sex and at some point she had gotten ahold of her friend with a BBC and invited him over to fuck me. So here I am, my dick buried deep inside of her, and we're making out, and this guy shows up and starts making out with us as he removes his clothes. Next thing you know he's fingering my asshole as I fuck her, then it's just him and me as he pounds my ass over the edge of the bed.
5. My worst . .
... gay sex was when I hooked up with a crossdressing trucker that I met online. I even crossdressed with him. However, he just laid there on his back watching television with a limp dick that I attempted to stimulate the whole time. I finally gave up and left.
BONUS: Everyone, however much experienced, still has some unfulfilled desires. What is at the top of your yet-to-do list?
I will answer this in two categories: wildest dreams and possible. For my wildest dreams, I have a deep desire to date an ultimately passable MtF transexual. For the possible, I want to set my wife up with a local boyfriend.